When I was 16 I dated a guy who would say this crazy-lame thing that only guys who are in high school can manage to pull off: he put a CD in the car and would say, "We're going to go on an
Essential Journey" and out from the speakers would pour... Journey. Yeah, it wasn't that cool.
The worst part of it: I think of that bloody line
all the time.
I don't think about it the same way any more and this gives me pause. Now, I say it to myself when I stand at a crossroads in life, when I'm getting ready to do something I know I'm going to really remember, or when I am learning a lesson because of something I've messed up.
So, what is the essential journey?
I've always known who I am. Who 'Sarah-Lambert' is, what she wants in life, and what she's good at haven't really been great journeys of discovery for me. Realizing how to
use those things--how to bring my dreams into fruition--
those are the journeys of discovery.
The essential journey is knowing yourself.
I went through a few years where I thought who I was wasn't going to to be enough to get a job, make the kind of friends I wanted, or do the kind of things I wanted in life. I sometimes still get a little queasy/shaky about it. This is the black hole in life I like to call "college."
When I was in high school, I used to say all the time that the bachelors degree was the new high school diploma, so I kind of
had to get one. I also used to say whenever people asked me if I was going to major in art (which they did ALL the time) that if I wanted to do art I
wouldn't go to college because I figured I could make a go of it without the schooling.
I let my parents push me towards school.
I let me teachers talk me into it.
I let
myself feed
me bad advice.
It wasn't that great. I loved my professors and had a great time my freshman year in class, but hated the college experience. The classes I took weren't going to further my major at all--I took them because they sounded cool (Actually, the only classes I have ever loved (and I mean I really LOVED them) were ones I took because they just "sounded cool"). But I didn't have much of a social life at all. So I transferred to a bigger school in a cooler town with hip coffee shops to hang out at and dimly lit bars on every block. The only thing--The. Only. Thing.--I can say that was significant and positive for me about this experience was reconnecting with my best friend again. We were inseparable once I got there and within two years were married (How could we not be? He is really, really, ridiculously good looking and soopa funny).
Then I realized something. It was a fantastic I-want-to-get-up-and-go-to-the-window-and-yell-"I'm as mad as hell and I'm not gonna take this any more!" moment. I needed to drop the crud out of college and start living my life of adventure!
It took a little bit to manage it. It took convincing people that I could do it. It's taken a couple of years of trying and realizing what works and what doesn't. It's taken waking up from the sort of "How am I not myself?" time I was having and realizing that, hey!, I'm not being myself!
Well, that's all been part of the
essential journey. And it's not over.
It's not over by a LONG shot, but I am not taking my life as it comes! I'm taking it by the horns! I'm riding my enthusiasm again!
For me, knowing myself has been becoming reacquainted with that 5 year old girl who would ALWAYS have something for show and tell in Kindergarten because I thought EVERYTHING about my life was cool and I couldn't share it enough!
For you, it may be that you still need to find you (whoa, what?!).
I completely, totally, supercalifragilistically encourage you to take an
Essential Journey with me. Don't stop believing! Hold on to that lovin' feeling! For real--don't be hating on the song quotes, they speak truth to power and that power is the power of YOU, so
start finding yourself.
Go!